Non sono bravo!

Top of the evening babies. How are you? What you guys listening to? What's the hot jams? But yeah, hello again. I should be revising for music but i don't like it so nuh, no having it. This has been an odd week. I can't decide if it's been good or not.. either hasn't been or has been okay. Was back at school on monday, like i'm sure most of you were too. I've never been to subway. I don't really like school. There was a white substance on the floor today which i nearly stood on. Someone must have been waddling around with their legs open or something. I'm sure they weren't but yeah, it'd be fun to blame a slut for opening her legs. It'd be like 'MISS! *inserts name* just opened her legs!' So funny. Too funny. Like yer fanny. No i'm totally kidding, i'm sure you have an adorable vagina. Well, i've never said that before. Oh well, probably too much flutter tonging.. OH WELL NEVER MIND! A capella. I really can't revise right now, too much lady gaga on. She sounds nothing like those ming. gaelic psalm groups. Want to shoot them! Kidding i have no gun. Chill guys, seriously, tuck that scrotum right back in to where it belongs. King Kong is at our school. Crazy times. Morbid! I want some new glasses. I wouldn't suit life without my glasses i think, contacts aren't my thang! I think i'm due a new pair in June. Want to come and help me pick them? Well sorry, you're not invited, you've been to active with your urethra in the recent years. Man i could really do with some nachos. Well, i could always do with nachos. I mean, imagine life without nachos. Heartbreaking, it's be like life without knowing about Lily Allen's sex life. Actual crazy. Imagine if the world turned out to just be one of the testiis in God's scrotum, just blobbing around. Funny. I wish i could make an oven. Ovens are really good. They make me food. Well, they cook food. AND FOOD IS GOOD! Hehe, ryhme time. Gosh, did it again. I'M ON A ROLE! So many CAPITALS! I hate Hitler, he was a right dick. I think i would be a good Prime Minister. I'd try really hard to make people happy and also make sure you could get condoms and pads or tampons for free. Life would be better that way. I would quite like to write a rap song, it'd probably fail but worse things have happened. Like your parents failed condoms. Kidding, i'm sure they didn't wear a condom for an important reason - and that's reason is you! How does that make you feel? You are a reason! AND someone had sex for you! OHHHHH happy days. OHHHHH dr john! Mika is a babe, isn't he? I saw him live and got his signature, whoop! And i went to nandos. I will shoot you if you haven't been to nandos. It's like a Portugese heaven! Lots of sauce flying around, wraps wrapping yer penis. Imagine a rapping penis? That would be hilarious. I love cardigans, imagine a gang bang with cardigans, nandos and nachos? YAY! But that would probably just be classed as a threesome. OH WELL. I'm off. Sleep well, hope you get the crabs sorted out.

LONG TIME NO SEE!

Hey again guys, miss me? No? Oh well. I'm back though. I was on a hiatus i guess. Hehe, cool word hiatus isn't it? Or do you not know what it means? It means you've had an explosive period. Now tell that one to your English teacher. Unless you don't go to school, and you're someone i don't really know just looking at my blog? Ooo, freaky stuff. ANYWAY, yeah i decided to blog again. I haven't blogged for a while. Blogged. Mostly because no one really said anything about the last one i wrote, sad Calum. So make sure you tell me your views on this one so i can blog some more too. Tell everyone you know: friends, siblings, parents, grandparents, neighbours, pets etc... Anyone can enjoy reading about my life. Well, it isn't really about my life but more about life in general. The Temper Trap are well good. I've never used a well to fetch water, that so two centuries ago. Enough about me though. How are you? How was your February break? Urgh, life really doesn't need to deal with that 'r' after the 'b' in February. It's almost as pointless as giving Gok Wan the oppertunity to be straight. I don't even know if that's how you spell his name. Oh well. Shit happens. NAUGHTY. Sorry swearing isn't that nice. Either are hormones. They seem to just make every teen get upset, mean hormones. They also cause periods i think, and they certainly don't sound very pleasant! I love how i've managed to mention periods so far this blog. Period period period. I'msorry girls but i'm so happy I don't have to deal with them. It's also extremely unfair that you have to pay for tampons and pads, they should be given out for free. You get condom cards so why not period cards? They're more regular and you're more likely need them. I just had a wee break there. Stalked some Facebooks and what not. I wonder if i have any Facebook stalkers? Probably not, but it's quite an odd thought other people scrolling through your information. Gosh i sound like my dad! He deleted me as a friend on Facebook, the lovely man he is. Probably for the best though, don't want him reading any of my blogs about periods. That would be quite funny though. I can just imagine the expressions on their faces. AWK WHEEL. Ew, i have to take the dog for a walk so she doesn't shit in the house. Gross dog she is. She's almost three aswell! For god sake. Be right back. I'm not saying it was your fault, although you could've done more. BACK! It's freezing outside. The dog didn't even shit, it just pissed three times. Urgh.
I feel really fml because we're back at school tomorrow. Urgh, hate the place. I hate this blog too. It's so moody. Sorry guys, i'll write a nicer one some other time. I really like biscuits though. I really want some party rings, yum yum. Don't even bother thinking i mean i gaping hole ready to have something inserted into it. All I mean is i want a party ring. I'd also love some nachos. That's all for now, sorry for grossness. Hold on to your kite folks. I love ginger hyair. Ciao bellas and bellos.

Morning Cherubs.

Hey again. Fourth blog, whoop whoop! With Duck Sauce playing in the background. How inspiring. I love their name, duck sauce.. makes me hungry for  chinese takeaway. I love takeaways. Indian, Chinese, Italian etc.. They're all amazing! In the Spring i want to eat a Chinese on the grass outside and roll in it so i can be a spring roll. HAHA funny. Well not really but i want to try and make my readers laugh. I like making people laugh, laughing's good. A world without laughter would be sad but i'd get the giggles so i guess there's no way there could be a world with no laughter. Eww Nelly just came on on Spotify. He sounds like he's orgasminging at the start of one of his songs. OH OH OH! Silly Nelly, i prefer the song which is like 'Nelly the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus, off she went with her trumpity trump.. trump trump trump'. I don't think Nelly wrote or sung that though. That would be such a funny song if someone rapped it. Mmm, Mika. Much better. He would do a great job at singing a nursery rhyme. Deffo. Why am i talking about nursery rhymes though? Isn't Nelly the Elephant a song? Oh well. And i just noticed as the title i wrote 'Morning Cherubs' when it's actually the afternoon. WHOOPSY! Well anyway, good afternoon cherubs. Wow, i usually write my blogs when it's dark outside but it's light just now. Cools. It looks like God hasn't been using his head and shoulders shampoo and WHIPPED HIS HAIR BACK AND FORTH and got dandruff everywhere. Silly god! God rhymes with cod. I love how a video game about war and killing has been nicknamed a fish, i mean it's like people referring to World War  One as Salmon. NO ONE WOULD DO THAT! I hate fish too so even more reason to make a fush. It's too rubbery. And it's actual minging when it appears at a table with it's head still there with it's eyes buldging. Haha minging, i prefer to pronounce it as Minge-ing. Minge has to be one of the best words ever. But like most of you must know by now, i'll take any oppertunity to mention a genital in my writing. Brb lunch. BAck. Miss me? Probably not, you probably didn't take the fifteen minute break that i did. Oh wells, shit happens, life goes on. I won't kill myself. This time anyway . .  Guess what i had? A toasty and soup. Yummy! I bet you didn't take a guess though, bet you just read straight ahead. Fucking bitch. Sorry, bad Calum. I slapped myself on your behalf. I actually did though, not lying tae ya hen. Slapping is really funny though. It should be one of the ten (now eleven) commandments. 'Thou must slap a bitch'. That would be flippin' fantastic. I also had angel delight for lunch, double yum! Seriously, you don't understand how hard it has been not to put a smiley face into my writing, it's just so tempting! But i shall keep it neat. It would probably be kinder if there was some smiles though. Life would suck without smiling. Life would also suck without glasses. I wouldn't be able to write my blogs without them. I like having hair aswell. Ddon't even bother making a remark to yourself about pubic hair - i meant head hair. NAUGHTY! Aww wow I just noticed you can bolden words and put them in italics and also underline them. Shit, it's not letting me stop underlining the words. Fgs. Oh well, i guess i'll manage. Clit  hehe. I'm immature at times but you probably don't think i am immature in the slightest. But i guess being immature is acting like a child, and i'd be very surprised if an eight year old had the same obsession as me about the word clit. That would be pretty hilarious though. That's all for now. Hope it was an okay blog, i tried. Love you, well not you, but i love yer maw. Haha kidding, over used phrases are baaaaaaaad. Bah bah black sheep have you any wool? Naw fuck off. Right sozza, bye!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hey y'all, i'm back. Miss me? Probs not, oh well. I got some good feedback on my recent blogs (but one bad bit but oh well) but i thought i'd write more. Well look at the date? It's the fourteenth of February. VALENTINES! Whoop whoop! Not. I'm single. And i'm sure you are too if you're spending your valentines evening reading this rather than 'shaggin' yer bird'. But seriously, Valentines is sweet but it's all commercial, card companies must make so much money. Oh well, i'm probs just being a moody shit cause i'm single. HEY HO! But i spent a lovely valentines in Edinburgh. I pigged out in Edinburgh with some friends and also got a new man bag. I love man bags. Gok says they're very fashionable, so hey, Gok's never wrong. Talking about Gok, you'd never believe how funny it is convincing people that he is straight with children. It's surprising how many people believe me! But yeah, man bags are awesome. They must be fairly feminine though. I got called a girl by a shop assistant today, bitch. I mean i really don't think that i do like a women. I may have long hair but i'm all muscle.. Sarcasm. I'm flabby, wibble wobble wibble wobble jelly on a plate. Sozza, jelly out burst. Jelly isn't much like flab though. Oh great, i just remembered i put some jelly in the shopping trolley when shopping with my mum yesterday. Whoop whoop! Man, that has to be one of the funner things, putting weird things or yummy things into the trolley when your parents aren't looking. Everyone's done it at one point. My sister and I are really bad for it! But it means you know you've got something yummy to look forward to, even if it pisses your parents off. You've got to love shopping though. When i was younger i hated it but now at the age of fifteen i can't get enough of shopping. Whether it's for clothes, electronics or food it's always great! I got my new phone today, it's my fourth one of 2011. Shows how much shopping i do, eh? Or just shows i;m picky about phones. But everyone is picky about something i guess. I'm not sure what i'm picky about though.. phones i guess but, i'm sure there's something else. Oh well. I wonder what you're picky about? I also wonder if you're enjoying this blog? I hope you are, i'm finding it harder this time to write about stuff. I think it's because i'm watching Glee whilst i'm doing this. Now, i bet you either thought to yourself there 'Haha, Glee. How gay.' or 'Aww i was watching Glee too!'. I find it quite good actually, i didn't watch season one but i have watched all of this season. One series i have watched every episode of though is Friends. Gotta love Friend. It's hilarious! Chandler has to be my favourite though. I think Ross is boring. But people say i'm a bit like Ross? Great. I'm boring. Oh well. I didn't use to watch much TV, but now i watch loads. Not as much as some people though.. But i do watch a fair amount. I want to get a big TV in my room but i don't have the space, what a shame eh? My bed takes up a lot of the room. It's a double idea. Now no sexual ideas, NAUGHTY! I just love my space. Oh man, is it bad if a cute goes like black? Cause that's the colour the cut on my thumb has gone. Eww, i know. Just wondering cause no one in my family is that medically, i'll ask mum later though. Man i really want to dye my hair. I think i'm going to go black/brown. We'll see. I'm bored of m,y hair, it has like blonde highlights developing (nauturally btw, i'm not a chavvy hedgehog with bleached highlights, eww) and i want them gone. I've never dyed it before. Hope it goes okay! Wow, this blog has been going on for quite long now, and there hasn't been any mention of clits. Wow! Clit clit clit. There, this is more of a Calum blog now. Urgh, i think i'll stop here. I don't want it to drag on, which i'm sure it has. Hope it was entertaining though, i tried hard. Very hard. I didn't listen to music this time though.. i think it helped me last time though. Oh wells. Hope it was okay. By the way, i asked my mum why the cut went black... it's dead blood. LOVELY! See ya babes.

B to the itches.

I enjoyed writing my last blog so much, i decided to write another. And thanks to the lovely Amy Wilson, i have decided on my next topic. Bitches. Bitches come in all shapes and size, some are small and fat, tall and skinny etc. Now some bitches can be quite entertaining, especially when they choose to share some good gossip with you. But sometimes, you really just want to smack their fugly faces until their clit pops out of their eyes. Sozza, had to be said. But yeah, there are several bitches at PHS, most people look up to them though, which is a shame because they're really not the nicest of people. They're like the plastics - team royalty, EVERYONE wants to be them. They really should just get hit by a bus. Right, please, at this moment think of the biggest bitch you know standing in the middle of the road, then imagine a huge yellow bus flying towards them and squishing them. Funny huh? All their gossip gone, they can't bitch about you to anyone any more. Your life is better. See how good life would be without bitches? You wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. Shame life isn't like mean girls. You have to deal with them. So you may aswell just slap them and talk about them behind their back. It's funny to do things like that. Those bitches have it coming to them all their lives! But yeah . .  so we all hate bitches. Their only purpose in life is to fuck people about and upset people. I say it's time people take a stand against these bitches. Don't let them run your lives, follow the geeks rather than the bitches! That way, you'll end up having a successful life and you won't end up spending your life borrowing face paint off of the oompa loomps, then not being able to pay them back and then having the oompa loompa mafia on your back for the rest of your life. Not good is it?! So come on guys, take a stand against these bitches, let the geeks be the new queen bees, take part in spelling bees rather than spending the night taking pictures of yourself in the mirror with flash on so no one can actually see your fugly face every night. Take a stand people, KILL THE BITCHES!

Hello, Hi, Ciao.

Hey there. I thought it'd be quite fun to make a blog, so yeah. I'm not sure what most people do on blogs but i'm just gonna write a bit about myself for right now. Might make more another time, depends if i remember my password and user name, which i most likely won't. I have so many email accounts due to the fact i always forget the passwords, it'd be so much better if you could just like put a picture up then they could recognize you? That would probably be far too complicated but still. Probably easier than remembering passwords. I only just realised why they're called passwords too, haha! But yeah . .  so i'm just fifteen, live in Peebles - shit hole - and attending Peebles High School. I hate PHS, it's minging. I'm planning on leaving once i've done my standard grades and do my highers at college. I do okay at school though, i love languages. I'm learning Italian and French right now, they're great. I hate English though, sucks baws. There goes my bad english again, i'm awful at it! I can't get tenses right, like, ever. Why does everyone always say like? I remember in primary school it was 'erm' or 'em' but it's changed to 'like' now. My parents always complain about me saying it so often but i can't help it. I get on well with my parents though, they're lovely. I get on with a variation of people. The only people i tend not to get on with are the ones who feel the need to call me gay constantly. They're bitches. I am camp though, but that's just me. I'm also over weight, but hey, it brings out my bubbly personality. But from reading this you probably think i am quite a boring person as i do type in quite a boring tone - but i can have fun. Look - VAGINA! See? I can have fun. I love words to do with the human body, but the best word has to be clit. It rolls off the tongue (literally if you're a man whore) and can confuse people who are unsure about the human body. Scrotum is quite a funny word too, but i don't tend to use it as much as clit. Haha, my computer is underlining 'clit' as a mis-spelt word. It's obviously unsure of the female genitals. But i do love my computer, well Mac, it's lovely. It does everything i want it to do. It plays my music, controls my social life over facebook and is even letting me type up this lovely blog. I'm not sure if it's going to well or not though? Like i said earlier, this is my first blog. Well, that could be lying, i think i might have attempted writing one when i was younger but it probably failed. Just like your life, haha. Sorry, had to be said. Love you really babe. See, i have a funny side! Though that wasn't very funny. But i promise you i can be. Oh, and to my music. I love music. As many people tend to say: 'music is my life'. I love it! I'm listening to Hellogoodbye right now, i love them. His voice is amazing! I wish i could sing, well i can sing just not very well. I can play instruments though. I play the fiddle and the ukulele. I'm not very good at either but it's nice to have a little talent. I took music standard grade, or as it actually is, Int2 music, but regret. I have no desire to compose music. Nut, naw having it. I don't sound Scottish at all by the way, but i do like to throw a bit of a Scottish accent in to my writing. I am Scottish though, and proud. Scotland is lovely! I would love to live the rest of my life in Edinburgh. I go there a lot, mainly to shop. Man i love shopping. I can't go a month without buy a new selection of clothes. I fancy Topman and H&M. They're dolls! And on the topic of fancying . . it's valentines tomorrow! I'm spending it with two of my lovely friends. We're going to Edinburgh as a threesome - SUCH FUN! Well i think that will be all for this blog, but i quite enjoyed writing it haha, such fun. Thanks for reading, but i'm sure you probably skipped right to the end or stopped reading further up, bitch.